Memo

From: The Department of Snark
To: World
Subj: Biking

To those nuclear families using the Capitol Crescent Trail on an unseasonably warm Sunday morning, walking four abreast down a two-lane path with dogs in tow and three-wheeled athletic baby-carriers in front: You are the plaque in this particular cardiovascular system of running/walking/biking trails. You refuse to heave to one side or another in the face of incoming traffic, preferring instead to prattle obliviously about breeding as one or another Lance Armstrong wannabe bears down on you at a healthy fraction of light-speed. And while I am not one of spandex-clad legions of weekend warriors with the titanium-frame hybrids, their Type-A personality on full display, I swear next time you refuse to heed the call of ‘left,’ I will drive my front wheel so far up your chubby patriarch’s ass, he’ll be able to roll from one side of the house to the other just by sitting down. Thank you.